As the year winds down, I take stock...only I'm not so much as taking stock as reviewing the same whine I've had all year. Why on earth am I in yet another relationship but still feeling as single as the day I was born?!
Why do I rue the day I lost the battle for what could have been the love of my life...still? I see now that I've always been the sort to ask questions of myself and others that no one could answer. And I can see why no one ever answered me then or now. Most of the time life throws chips at you which you just have to deal, no time for questions because there are no answers, you've got to deal and deal fast, if your number comes up 'oh lucky you' and if not 'sorry, next time.'
Next time, if it's 10 years, is an awfully long time to wait. Some days you're upbeat, almost positive like an addicted gambler believing that Lady Luck owes you something. Some days you contemplate banging your head against the wall or just yelling, just so something dramatic happens at least once in your life (chuckle).
What stops me and at the same time scares me is my faith. When I'm tempted to whine, I think about the faith I hold that says God always listens and helps out in truly helpless situations. It stops me whining. Then I recall how long I've explained my needs to God and I wonder if He's got a different plan for my life than I've always wanted and it almost scares me. How do I make Him see how much it means to me? He did give us free will along with His blessings...so I've got desires (as high reaching as they sound sometimes, they are mine) which I need His blessing for in the shape of the 'gift' who'll satisfy them.
As usual, my whining's got me bored already. As I typed, Jordin Sparks' song 'One Step at a Time' came on, I'm hearing it for the first time but I love it already...it's gonna happen when it's supposed to.
Good things come to those who wait and so I wait, with my dreams in my hand...
